I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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