Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
