OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
