I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
