You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
