An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
