You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
