I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
