I just saw a hot homeless man
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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