apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
