Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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