6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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