I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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