I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
