It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
