How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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