we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
