The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I died a long time ago.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
