if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
