The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
