Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
