dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she looked like the before picture.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
