Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
