He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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