I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
