I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
