So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need to calm my uterus...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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