i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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