I hate your face
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
