Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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