had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
