If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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