At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
