Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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