I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
