Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
