We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
