whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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