I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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