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He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
