I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
