Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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