What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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