There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
