Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
