My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
