mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
