i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
