Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
