I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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