Your tits are I can't wait for
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize