Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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