READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
