Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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