I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
