She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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