just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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