can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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