and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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