I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
