Already got asked if we're dating
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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