well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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