i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
