My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.