i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
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Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.