I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.