My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom