Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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