don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We talked him into tasing himself.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.