i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way