If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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