woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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